“Don’t ever let somebody tell you, you can’t do something. Not even me.”-Will Smith playing Chris Gardner in The Pursuit of Happyness
This movie is in my DVD collection. Chris’ story is a wonderful example of how talent, determination, perseverance and grace can pay off. This is one of the most powerful moments in the movie. It’s also a wonderful example to show the world that many African-American men are loving, commited and present fathers.
It’s wonderful to have someone in your life who believes in you and tells you that he/she does. If you don’t have someone like that in your life to do that for you, BE that person for yourself. Or, you can give me a call! If you are a parent, please make sure your children grow up knowing that you believe in them. Don’t make the mistake of ASSuming that they know. TELL THEM, repeatedly!
On May 14-15, I had the extreme pleasure of leading a woman’s retreat for single women. The event was called Smart, Sexy & Single: A Women’s Retreat and it was my response to the constant negative messages and attitudes that single women over 30 have hurled at them without regard to how they may impact us.
The workshops I facilitated during the retreat were: Sex, Spirituality & the Single Woman, A Woman’s Guide to being Happily Single and How to Avoid Marrying Cheaters, Jerks & Liars. This event was far more powerful than I could have even imagined and there were numerous aha’s, moments of extreme clarity and new understanding of why we make many of the choices we make (even when those choices may violate our values and principles).
I’m happy to have had the opportunity to use my knowledge, passion and gifts to help such a dynamic group of women. May God bless each of them with the happiness and love they deserve, just because.
One of the primary concerns on the mind of today’s working woman is “How can I get it all done?” Whether or not that should even be the goal is worthy of its own conversation. But for most of us, in our desire to be it all, do it all & have it all, we are disregarding a very important element. That’s right, the matter of real love.
Whether you love your family is certainly not the question. Of course you do! But, do they always feel it? There is a definite difference between knowing that you’re loved and feeling that you’re loved. This difference is what drains the passion out of marriages and transforms them into business arrangements. This difference is one of the reasons kids and parents become so distant. This difference is one reason you neglect your own physical and mental health when you know better. Frequently, the missing ingredient is a real feeling of love. In the midst of our busy schedules sometimes we forget to put “relate to my husband in HIS love language” on our to-do lists. Or, to schedule time to discover how our children prefer to be loved, and then do it.
So the question is what’s love got to do with it? The answer, everything. When you don’t love your job, your body, your hair, your home, your life or yourself, it shows up in other areas of your life and in your relationships. As much as you may believe you’re doing a great job of hiding it, please know that it will usually catch up with you. I don’t want to scare you, but I do want to wake you up.
So, what’s the solution? There are many possible approaches to this dilemma of not enough love being demonstrated or received. I really like the book The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. In it, you’ll discover which of the following is the primary language of your loved ones and yourself.
Words of Affirmation
Quality Time
Receiving Gifts
Acts of Service
Physical Touch
Once you understand their language as well as your own, you can be much more effective in developing and demonstrating the depth & breadth of your love.
Challenge-I challenge you to discover your primary love language and then gift yourself with an outward expression of love using it. For example, if it’s physical touch schedule yourself a massage. If it’s acts of service, hire a maid or get your car detailed. If it’s receiving gifts, send yourself flowers with a simple note that says “I Love You!” These may seem silly to you at first, but when you experience how great if feels, you’ll be more likely to happily relate to your children, husband, family and friends in their own languages.
Every New Year, women start with the highest of hopes and the best of intentions to transform ourselves and our lives. We believe that the fresh start of a new calendar will be the secret ingredient we need to help us start living the life and lifestyle of our dreams. You scribble down a wish list of goals, objectives and resolutions that you hope will magically transform everything for you. Or, perhaps you belong to the other school of thought that has officially said “bah humbug!” and giving up on resolutions all together. Because you know that in the past they’ve never worked for you.
Having been on both sides of this debate over the years I will admit that I’m back in the game, on Team Resolution! However, this year I’ve learned from what didn’t work in the past and modified my approach. Listed below are the Top 5 goals that women have indicated are important to them during 2010. Do any of these sound familiar? Did these make your list?
Lose Weight/ Get in Shape
Spend More Time with Family/ Improve Marriage
Career Advancement/ Get a Raise
Get & Stay Organized
Get out of Debt
I’ll admit that more than half of these are on my list, along with a laundry list of others that support them. I’ve set specific goals for each of the following areas: health, relationships, money, spirituality and self. As I mentioned, this year I’m using a different strategy to achieve my goals and track my progress. It’s really pretty simple.
First, assess where you started, using a clearly defined measurement system. This will be very important as you go through the year. If you’re like most of us mere mortals you’ll have ups and downs, success and setbacks. If you have not used an objective method to measure your starting point and successive results, you are likely to underestimate your overall progress when you go through a “down cycle.” We don’t want that!
Second, break down the goal into smaller time frames; for example, quarterly or monthly. The mistake I’ve made in the past was to only set an annual goal, and then being the recovering procrastinator and perfectionist that I am wait until November or December to try to complete everything on my list! I’m sure that no one else has fallen into that pattern, and I’m the only one. But, just in case you can relate, I now recommend “chunking” your goal into bite sized morsels! They are much tastier that way, rather than bingeing at the buffet line like this is your last meal.
Finally, revisit your goals throughout the year to see if they are still relevant to you right now. You may have changed and your life may have evolved to the point that what used to be very important to you is now irrelevant. If so, cut yourself some slack and cross it off of your list. Ah, what a feeling!
So, despite which side of the matter you find yourself. You may let yourself get caught up in the hype of the New Year’s season and declare your life altering resolutions. Or, you may be more rational about it and merely set performance goals and objectives. Either way, these simple steps will help you to achieve the results you desire with minimal stress and maximum reward.
Universal Possibilities Challenge: Set at least one goal for each of the following areas of your life: Health, Relationships, Money, Spirituality and Self. Make a commitment to yourself. And, strive to accomplish these goals within 3 months.
Call Certified Career Coach & Life Coach Wende Sanders, MS, CC today at 336-407-3828. See how I can help you or your group reach your highest potential in your work and beyond.
Universal Possibilities LLC serves Winston Salem, Greensboro, Durham, Raleigh, Wilmington & Charlotte Areas in North Carolina (NC)
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Green Policy
Being environmentally conscious is very important to me in my personal life, so it was only natural to make “green practices” a part of my business as well. Universal Possibilities LLC employs paperless systems when possible, uses recycled paper when paperless isn’t possible, reduces energy consumption and recycles everything that can be recycled. I believe that businesses as well as individual citizens have a responsibility to make sure we leave a world that is safe, sustainable and beautiful for the generations that are to come. I’m very honored to run Universal Possibilities LLC as a green company.
If you are a parent, please make sure your children grow up knowing that you believe in them. Don’t make the mistake of ASSuming that they know. TELL THEM, repeatedly!
